Boredom

Hey, I'm bored. lol. My mum and sister are watching the Eurovision Song Contest and I'm waiting for Stu to come online. Well ... today has been boring. And I have a headache. I'm listening to Moby, which I haven't done for a while. Bleh. Bye for now; might post later.

<3 Clover

Hello, new layout xD

Anyways, I'm tired. Uh ... not much else to say. Bye then.

At least it can't get much worse

Yes, folks, it's that time of my life where I get the glorious feeling of knowing that I walked into a room, took an exam, and got perhaps every single question wrong. Well, I took my science SAT today. It's bullshit anyway :P

I Hate Myself And I Want To Die

Why does life always like to kick you when you're down? Why?

Hello

Hey, I just made a short film on Windows Movie Maker about Mr Turner (my ICT teacher) entitled 'There's Something About Colin', Colin being his name and all. So I'm fairly happy, since it was successful - Matt responded with 'HA!' while Adam chose 'tis great'. If anyone wants me to send them it, please email me. It also has the acoustic version of 'Vindicated' by Dashboard Confessional as the backing track.

I am flawed ... but I am cleaning up so well

Hello. I am listening to Dashboard Confessional, as you may have guessed from the subject of this entry. Well ... Not much to say today, except ... once you've known hell, can you ever really go back? It's like in Lord of The Rings, at the end of the trilogy, where they ask how the world can go back after so much evil has existed.

Maybe I'm just being melodramatic, but I think I'm having a nervous breakdown again. I don't want to tell anybody, and the only person who might possibly read this anyway will be Stu. I can just feel it. I'm getting really paranoid, I jump at every single sound and I want to cry all the time. My whole life has been based on me only telling people I trust about my problems. But so many people know too much about me. I know what people think about me. I know. I keep thinking that people know I'm depressed again. The only way I can hide it is by being hyper, which makes me feel worse, as I don't have the energy. I have to force food down my throat, I can't sleep, and every single thing that happens to me seems magnified a hundred times.

I wish I could get some help, but I just can't. I can't make myself go to a doctor, and I don't want to go, either. I managed to give up cutting for what? Two, maybe three, months and then it's all down the fucking pan again. Why do I bother? Why do I do this to myself and everyone else all the time? Maybe I should just go die, that would probably be better for everyone.

Sorry Stu, I'm just feeling crap right now ... and sorry to everyone else who might be reading this. I feel angry at myself and the world. Sorry I exist.

<3 Clover

Cornflakes and My Chemical Romance

Hey, I haven't posted for a couple of days because Stu was here on Friday night and most of yesterday =D so I didn't have time to post, but I'm not complaining. Oh well, I had a lovely time, and I miss Stu already = ( But I'll see him at school tomorrow! Yay!

Bleh

I feel a bit shit today ... probably just my period, but it's not due for a bit yet ... Oh well, I'm sure whatever it is, I'll live.

Yesterday I was really hyper and today I'm just kinda miserable ... One of the chavs in my cooking class hit Mrs. Simpson (my cooking teacher) on the shoulder with the pole she uses to open the really high windows in the classroom. Well, she started crying and (probably just 'coz I'm hormonal) I actually kinda felt sorry for her. Maybe it's just because chavs are little shits, but she's an old lady I guess and old ladies shouldn't be hit with poles.

By the way, please go to http://www.notcoolclub.com, join and add me to your friends list. My username is scaryemokid.

I'm going now, love Clover <3

New blog!

Hello, new blog! Yes, again! What can I say; I get bored easily!